I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
