I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
