Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
