I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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