she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
