So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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