So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Randomize
