Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i came on her dog
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
