i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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