just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Send help, water and tortillas.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
