Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize