like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
