im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
