Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
