Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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