Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
