i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
