Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
