just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
