When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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