There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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