i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize