ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
