my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
