3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
