we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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