we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
