She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
