i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Randomize
