In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
