saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
