Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
