Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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