Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize