If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
