Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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