No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
