I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am spending my child support on dildos
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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