I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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