The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
