Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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