It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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