where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
