I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
