bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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