if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
