He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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