You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
