we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
