I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
