Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
