I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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