he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
