So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
