i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dignity is for republicans.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
