there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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