why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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