I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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