Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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