any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize