Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
