There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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