I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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