Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
