I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
