it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
