I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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