the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize