it was like eating out sand paper
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Randomize
