so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
