i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
