he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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