she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There r osticjed everywhere
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize