Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
