Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
