She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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