he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
