i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
