Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
