Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
