I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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