is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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