As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
