did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
