Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
