Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
