Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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