Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
