I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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