I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Randomize
