If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
