Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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