Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
