Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
