I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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