I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
