Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
