sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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