That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
please come you make the beer taste better
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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