Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
