i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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