Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize