You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Randomize
