With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
