Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
