Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
