Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
