I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
