Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize