I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
