Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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